Make the World Safe Again
Day of the Un-Dread
In anticipation of Donald J Trump’s third term attempt but with an honest, non-fake news approach to the reality of life expectancy, planning has begun for a new national holiday for honoring Trump which will be celebrated on the day of his passing into eternal life and to the happy golfing ground of the hereafter. The day and night of the holiday will be celebrated by grabbing women in their crotches, telling lies, cheating at golf, not paying for services rendered, wearing orange wigs, eating at McDonalds and doing all typing in capital letters. Christian Nationalist groups are considering making it a day of holy obligation including holding Bibles made in China upside down and breaking all of the Ten Commandments on the holy day. The targeted date for this holiday is January 6, and Martin Luther King Day will be removed as a holiday, as federal employees, those that are still left in their government jobs, are not deemed to need any more holidays under the new administration.
A suitable Trump memorial monument will be selected from an international competition for the design. A location for an associated memorial monument has not been established, but some pre-competition suggestions include an extra head added at Mount Rushmore bathed in orange flood lights or sculpting the Washington Monument into an Ozempic-trimmed full height Donald J Trump statue with a large orange flag attached at the pinnacle, but there are some concerns over phallic references.
The suggestion for a fitting epitaph on the monument is wide ranging, from “I Made P*ssy Grabbable Again” to “People Say I Am The Best and Richest Human Ever.” A leading candidate though for a fitting tribute is “HERE I LIE.”
In general, Democrats and defenders of the US Constitution have decided to celebrate this holiday in a more of a Guy Fawkes manner, firing fireworks at Mar-A-Lago and waving flags with images of Benito Mussolini being hung upside down and the statue of Saddam Hussein being pulled down.