Hunting as a New Olympic Sport

Hitting Below the Belt

In a bid to enlarge his grasp on the world stage, Trump has demanded that the US Olympic Committee introduce a new sport to the Summer Olympics.  A formal sports name has not been announced yet, but P*ssy Grabbing is the current working title for the new sport.  In order to qualify, male athletes from all competing countries must sign an affidavit confirming their commitment to a sports ethical statement of "Your Bodies, My Choice".  There will be an individual men's event and a team event.  The female participants for the sport are to be pulled from a pool of Republican women who voted for Donald Trump.  Still under consideration with the Olympic new sport sponsors is whether the male competitors will be allowed to put date rape drugs in their female participants sports energy drinks.  One of the regulations to be paused is the required registration of sex offenders including the publishing of their addresses and the requirement that they not live near schools.

Ivanka Trump, consistent with Donald Trump’s policy of finding employment for his offspring, will head up the female selection process, and if required by lack of participation by willing women participants, she has graciously volunteered, with her sisters, as the inaugural crotch targets.  

A similar sport development is occurring for the Winter Olympics, but the decision has not been made on the exact sport mechanics, whether grabbing women’s buttocks in tight ski pants or grabbing their breasts protruding between snow bib overalls.