Family Pets as a Solution to Hunger in America

Make Hot Dogs (and Cats) Gr-Eatable Again

In his first major effort to promote healthy eating and reduce hunger in the USA, Robert F Kennedy Jr has started an initiative whereby dogs and cats that are housed in animal shelters will be used as food protein for meals to be prepared for feed-the-hungry programs and homeless shelters.  Since the government funding for animal shelters (and possibly similar homeless shelters) will be made illegal as part of a nationwide policy of eliminating both public and private charities as a waste of money and time, Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal has some real traction under MAGA.

As a supplement to the policy in fighting hunger, an added incentive will be provided for US citizens (for USA citizens only) who bring in roadkill as part of an environmental benefit for cleaner highways and streets.  A recycling deposit for the roadkill will be granted from funds used for state highway budgets, and RFK Jr has grounded this initiative in his experience with bear and whale carcasses.

For food preparation, regional centralized kitchens will be used and staffed by illegal immigrants (not deported yet) as part of their prison sentencing. They will be paid with the newly imposed minimum wage of $.50 per hour with no paid overtime, but no taxes will have to be paid on non-existent tips.

Trump has praised this innovation in feeding the hungry and reducing the euthanization of cats and dogs.  He has clarified his earlier statement in the debate with Vice President Kamala Harris in that what he meant to declare was “they should be eating the cats, they should be eating the dogs”, adding this is such a better policy than the historical precedent of ‘letting them eat cake.’