Pinocchio Penis

Pecker Perjury

In a new study and contrary to expectations, researchers have discovered that lying by men increases their penis size.  Labelled affectionately by the study developers as the Pinocchio Penis study, a group of high-level executives and politicians were tracked over a year with physical measurements and the veracity of their social media posts in business ethics and political statements.  The study has indicated that the male penis responds positively to the brain impulses that originate in the cognitive thought part of the brain as it relates to furthering falsehoods.  Just as a lie detector indicates increased heart rate, blood pressure and respiratory rate, the symptoms with lying can also be tracked and are equivalent to a healthy work-out in heart rate, which is known to build testosterone in men and muscle size.  Of particular interest, men lying about the largeness of their member size really sends the measuring needle off the chart.

In an attempt to take advantage of the research but reverse the effect, polygraphers in the Department of Justice have reached out to the study researchers to work on a new drug in pill form or transdermal patch that would reduce penis size. The use of the pill would be related to punishing lying and spreading disinformation, similar to the restrictions of an ankle bracelet monitoring. as a future penalty for perjury,